yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it because I queefed?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
