garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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