We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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