we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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