the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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