Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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