Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
