my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
