all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
