Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
