Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
