so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
