I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize