Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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