My room smells like vodka and shame
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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