she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
