I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
