i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
