ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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