Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize