i think i have herpe
just one?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
