Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
