went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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