my vag is so smooth its legendary
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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