Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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