I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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