Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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