I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
