Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize