its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
