Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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