You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
