dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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