Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
