She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
