My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
