READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
