Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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