my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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