I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
