I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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