I can text with my tongue
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
