had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
