DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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