Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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