she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
