Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
