D3 body, D1 cock
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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