id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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