I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
