I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
