But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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