I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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