Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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