Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Everclear isn't food dammit
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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