Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you had me at cake vodka
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize