I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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