I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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