No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
