dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
