dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
false alarm. still invincible.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
