I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
