We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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