she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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