At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
