I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize