I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
