are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
