I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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