bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize