who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
