is your mom at the bar?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
