she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
