so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
