Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
