What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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