it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
