Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
