Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
