dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You made out with two different species that night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
