She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
