I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
