her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize