I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
