I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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