My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When are your genitals available?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
