Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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